As a young child I was a big dreamer. I was also very different from all of the other children and I stood out like a sore thumb. Most of the time I was a target for bullies but even that didn’t faze me because my beliefs surpassed my human form. For me the possibilities were limitless and magic was everywhere. I even believed that I could move things with my mind and so I would spend a lot of time staring at inanimate objects just willing it to move! I just knew that I could have, be and do whatever I wanted and yes, of course most of the time people told me that I was spoilt, that it was an impossible goal and tried to stand in my way, but I didn’t let that stop me. In fact it made me even more determined to follow my dreams, I was relentless. In my world everything was possible and there was always a way to get from A to B, even if I had to go through the whole alphabet to get there.
Even throughout the start of my teenage years I felt that I had powers and all I had to do was find them and refine them. I can remember being tormented by a boy in school who just wouldn’t let up and I also remember sitting at lunch watching him eat and saying flippantly “I hope that you choke on it” and he did! I noticed that I would dream specific scenarios that would miraculously happen, I would sense things in the pit of my stomach and be right and I would think of people that I would then later bump into! Did I really have super powers? After some time, it got to a point where so many coincidences were occurring in my life that I decided that if I really did have powers, I would choose to use them only for the greater good.
I wish I could tell you that I stayed strong and true to myself but as I grew I started to turn my back on my beliefs. I fell off my path and I gave into the naysayers and began to listen to other people’s opinions of me. I wanted so much to fit into everyone’s view of who I should be and what I should and shouldn’t say or do. I was so scared and I just wanted to be accepted and to fit in somewhere. This was also a time when I really struggled to understand who I was. Growing from a child into a young adult was no easy task for me. I felt awkward in my own skin and really lost who I was. I didn’t know which direction I was going in and felt fragmented trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. I became a shadow of the child that believed in magic.
Instead I dulled my shine, I closed myself off and I constantly doubted myself. I became a recluse, moody and angry at the world and myself. Most days I pretended to be happy whilst on the inside I was crying out and the sad thing was that nobody else knew but me.
I fell in line with what I thought society expected from me and got a normal and safe job and stayed in between the lines and blended in. Even though I felt a void inside, finally I was becoming part of something and people were beginning to accept this version of me that I had morphed into. I ignored the calling to shine and denied the magic that I once believed in.
One morning I woke up and I heard a strange inner voice telling me to find a yoga class. I had heard this inner voice before but this time there was a sense of urgency. This was the 90’s and at that time yoga was not as popular as it is now. In fact it was quite the opposite and classes were far and few between. I chose to ignore the voice and carried on with my usual job and my unhappy path. When the voice began to get louder I knew this was something I had to try. I finally gave in and found a local class. My first ever yoga class was taught by a softly spoken lady called Eva and I was instantly hooked. I felt like I was home again and somehow it put me back in touch with the real me, I loved the way it made me feel. The more I practiced the more of myself I revealed and the more I realised that I was completely on the wrong path. Life somewhat seemed so much more uncomfortable than usual as if I was wearing a suit 3 sizes too small! Yet again that inner voice came loudly and told me that I had to teach yoga. At the time I was painfully shy so this was not something that I believed I could do. My head said no way and my heart yearned to follow. I yet again ignored my inner voice and I continued to go to yoga classes whilst living my life a lie working my usual job and going through the motions.
As time passed, I not only had this loud voice yelling at me to become a yoga teacher, now I was being handed leaflets for yoga teacher training in the most random places. The final straw was when I attended a yoga day and at the end of the day the teacher announced that she was running a yoga teacher training course and handed me a leaflet. I knew that the Universe was talking to me and that I was at a crossroads in my life. I could choose the easy and familiar path and be unhappy and unsatisfied doing what I was doing or I could move outside my comfort zone, walk the road less travelled and live my life authentically. I chose the latter. At my teacher training I healed and peeled away the many layers that had been hiding the true me. The defence armour that I had put into place over the years began to fall off. I embraced my vulnerability and began once again to find love for myself and accept myself wholeheartedly. Once the course ended I felt the fear and began teaching yoga and slowly I blossomed. I knew that I was doing what I was born to do and it felt so amazing. With this new growth came the magic. I began to believe in myself and the power deep inside me and once again that magic began to spark within me.
I saw myself in my truth. I remembered who I was and what I was here to do and with each person that I helped my shyness began to dissipate. My heart grew and my soul was once again happy.
When I reflect back to my inner child I realise that she was wise beyond her years. As children we know so much more than adults give us credit for, we know the truth and we don’t limit ourselves with boundaries. We are limitless in our thinking and anything is possible. So what happens? Why do we stop believing? We are told that our thinking is ridiculous and nonsense when in reality it’s the other way around.
I’m so grateful that I have now reconnected with that younger me and I relish in my new found childlike beliefs. The more I believe in magic the more magic happens and it really works. Now I know that where energy goes magic flows and my thoughts really do become things. You see, we are born into our human bodies and are still connected to the Universe through vibration. The Universe listens to us through our feelings so when we think about what we want with the good feeling vibes we can make it happen. As a child this all came so naturally and as an adult this has been something that I have had to re learn. I’m so happy that I took the time to reconnect with the wiser younger me, she has taught me so much.
If you doubt your power, you power your doubt. So start now by living your life without limits. Be that wise and boundless child and allow your dreams to be as big as you wish them to be. We are truly the creator of our lives and when we learn to guide our feelings we can manifest our desires. Don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself. Happy dreaming.
