I am the name that I was given at birth, I am a Mum, I am a daughter, a wife, a friend, a person, a soul, a vibrational energy, scientifically I am molecules and atoms that have come together to form the person that is supposedly me, so that everyone can see a form but then in their own eyes define their own preconception and definition of who I am to be from what they see. In a world where I have quickly learnt that everyone seems to have an opinion of who you are, what you are and certainly who you should be. All the labels that I once wore to define me.
Like a wide eyed child I look up and ask who am I and who really defines me, is it me that denies me the truth of who I am? Am I my own best friend or worst enemy? Sometimes I get a glimpse of the truth and I somehow remember what I think I was put here to remember before I arrived in this world I call my place of home right now. It’s amongst the most suffering that the web of illusion becomes a little more transparent and it’s in these dark moments when I look truly into myself when I question, what is it all about? Surely there is something more than just everyday life, waking each day and going through the motions that we all seem to call life.
In the smallest droplet of the tears that I wipe away from my saddened face, comes a gift. For just a split second the veil of deception, the lie that I have believed for so long shifts aside and I see and I feel and I know that something so much greater than I is just here right beside me like words on the tip of my tongue waiting to be discovered. It’s always been there but as we grow up we become blind to it, we are conditioned to deny it. The real reason that we are here, the reason that I am. The truth underneath the lies that we have been taught from past generations to this generation and then I realise that this time it’s different. This time I have a chance to change the balance, to break the mould, to break free from the conditioning that I am supposed to pass onto my children and them to theirs.
The more I trust and believe the more I am aware of the greater force that is the truth behind why I AM. The bigger picture behind the labels that have been stuck on me, to me, from me, from others that I now choose to shed to reveal the true landscape of who I AM, the tapestry of the real me.
All of a sudden the dark cellar that I have lived in all of my life changes. Stumbling and feeling my way around in the darkness, bumping, falling, landing into the unknown time and time again as I try to find my way through the blackness and then I realise that in my hand is a torch, it’s always been there but nobody told me that I could simply switch it on. As I click the button my torch lights the steps that I need to take towards the truth, showing me just ahead of what I need to see to find my way so that I can be in the moment and step out of the darkness into the light. I get glimpses, like waking up from a long dark dream realising that there is so much more to life than just me and there right in front of me, after so many times of tripping and landing on my face, after I struggle to pick myself up I see the contrast and a grace right there in front of me, like I once was blind but now I see, like a gift for all of the pain that I have endured.
I see the light switch, I reach out and turn it on and at first it’s so bright I can’t even make out what’s what and who and where. After living in the darkness for so long, it hurts my eyes and it’s hard to take it all in. My logic tries to take over but then my heart steps in to soothe me and then I see, I see it all and everything makes so much sense. All along I had the keys through my feelings to unlock the opportunities that were all right there in front of me just waiting to be acknowledged. I realise that I am the master of my life and I that I have a choice to align myself to the goodness or pinch myself off from it. I am the creator of my world and when I feel good I can manifest all of the things that I want. When I feel bad I create resistance and distance myself from the gifts that hide in the dark.
You see, life is so much more than waking up and making beds and cleaning up and fixing tea and going to work and going to sleep. And I realise that I AM, I just AM, I exist, I be instead of I do. I AM here to remember who I really am, and where I have come from and what I am really here to do, to share my gifts with you and you and you. Because you are all just a part of me and we are all connected to a larger consciousness called the universe, no matter what colour, what religion, what sex, we are all one, a collective universal energetic force of goodness.
I am here to remind you to remember what you are here to be and to do. I am everything around me connected through and through, I am pure love created by love and regardless of how many stones are thrown my way I AM, and I have learnt that when I remain as love the stones don’t stick and bruise for very long because my heart gives me a comforting drink of compassion and empathy and then I can even find a way to send love to my enemies because I know, that when they hurt me they are foolishly hurting themselves because we are all one. I am here regardless of what everyone else thinks of me and I am nothing more than the illusion that I could allow myself to be if I were to allow it to gain momentum and believe it even if it were lies.
But once you turn the light on, it’s hard to go back to the old view of not seeing the truth behind the veil. Now I know the truth I want to share it with the world, I want to lighten everyone’s darkest doorstep with the knowledge of the truth.
I AM what I am, I am my own special creation, life don’t mean a damn till you can say, I am what I am!
